an unexpected turn of events

We have been trying to get pregnant for more than two years. We finally got a doctors appointment and the doctor refered us to a specialest. After several tests we have been told that results were consistant with Premature Ovarian Failure. This means while its not totally impossible for us to get pregnant it is very unlikely. The doctor informed us that there was nothing medically they can do to increase my chances of conceiving or to reverse the ovarian failure. We are now considering and discussing our options and will write about where we are going next. Much love to all those who read this blog.

changes

Life can be a funny thing, it seldom seems to follow the expected or antisipated plan. A year ago I started a Masters program, studying to be a special education teacher. Now after thousands of dollars in loans and countless hours studying I find myself at an impass. Looking into alternatives I have found that my best option besides doing an alternative teacher licensing program is to enroll in a program that is one night a week, and will take 2 years to complete. It is not a special education program, but instead an elementary education program. I have missed the deadline for this semester though, so if I do this program I will not be able to start until June or July. Another option I have found is an alternative program. If accepted to the program, I would begin teaching with a mentor teacher in the fall and be taking classes for a masters at the same time. I would not be paid as a normal teacher, instead I would recieve at $10,000 stipend for the year. The problem, the enrollment deadline is in March and in order to qualify I have to be signed up for the closest Prexis 2 test date possible the beginning of March. I don't know that I am prepared or if I can possibly be prepared to take such an extensive exam so soon. If I miss this deadline, this program would not be an option until next year. I am met with another decision that has to be made in a timely fashion. All of this pails in comparison to the fact that I don't really know whether or not I even want to be a teacher. Eventually, I want to own a home and run an in home daycare. Obviously living in a 1 bedroom apartment is not a condusive place for a daycare. Working where I am working now, as much as I love my job does not provide me with the money necessary to save in order to find a place of our own. This is why I initally thought of teaching, but I am not sure its worth all the time, effort, and money to do another 2 year program. Now, when I felt like I had things figured out things are up in the air again.

Thankfully, Kevin seems content at the moment with working at the bank. He has considered doing a Masters program but is thinking about it carefully as we have decided that we don't want either of us to start another program without truly making the comment to finish it. Why waste all that money. It will be interesting to see what he decides he is going to do.

Kevin's birthday is a week from tomorrow, and he will be 26. As I have just recently celebrated my 24th birthday we are both reminded of where we thought we would be at this time in our lives. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be married to such an amazing man, or that I would be living back in Colorado. I am so thankfull for the blessings that God has given me, and the fact that even through this time of uncertainity and self-doubt he has blessed me with someone to share my thoughts, worries, and doubts with. Someone to hold me in times when I just want to cry and to laugh with me when I am acting stupid. :-)

Kevin and I are going to be moving to a new apartment in just 2 weeks. I am so excited and can't wait. The stress of moving doesn't even bother me right now (with the exception that we don't know how we are possibly going to move our big couch). Although we are downsizing from a 1 bedroom 906 sq ft apartment to a 1 bedroom 560 sq ft apartment I can't wait. I am ready for a change, and ready to be able to save a bit of money without stressing each month how we will be able to set anything aside. I like the layout of the new apartment as well. On top of everything, we get the added benefit of getting accent walls. I got to go pickout paint colors... 1 for my bedroom and 1 for our dining area. :-) Yay for not having white walls. I am hoping that it will allow me to feel a little more at home. It is also with in walking distance of my moms house and over looks a walking park. It is also right behind a library, so thats also fun.

Anyway, I know this entry has been a little random but I have lots of things on my mind :-) hope life is treating each of you well.

New Year

At the start of a new year one finds themself looking back, searching where they once were and where they are going. Just a few years ago, we had just gotten married along with many of our friends. We lived in what we refered to as the LCU bubble. Life was great, seeing friends several times a week, being together, things were simpler. Just 3 years later, we find ourselves in a place where our closest friends are hundreds of miles away from us. Our social life consists of play cards with mom/mom in law and her friends. We go to church, though in a congregation of over 800 people it is easy to feel lost. We find ourselves walking through the day to day life. With work, family, and church it seems like things can just keep moving, rolling on without really noticing it.

It has been two years now, two years since we decided that it would be nice to have a family. Two years since we made the decision to stop taking birth control and to let God have control. It can be deficult at times, to trust that is. To trust, that God will provide for us, provide a family when it is his will. When we got of BC we new that it would probably take a little while to be able to conceive a child, but it never occured to either of us that it might take this long.

Looking at this new year, and at what things might come we hope that perhaps this is the year God has choosen to bless us with child, but if not we know that he is with us and that he will guide us. For now, we continue living our lives, trying not to let time just pass us by. We embrace each others wants and desires and we look forward to the many years that are still to come. Our prayers go out to all, that this new year will be full of many blessings. We pray that life will not pass you by and that you will remember, to embrace what God has given you, and to count your many blessings.

To a Happy New Year! God Bless.

Crazy thing called Life

Life has been interesting as of late. Kevin is still working at the bank, and things got a little crazy around there but will start calming down for him. Things have gotten crazy because he has been stuck working by himself a lot even on the most busy of days. They have hired a new employee so he should technically get some more help soon, provided they don't change their mind about where they are going to place the new guy. I have completed another class, and all though the grades are not posted yet I have a good idea that I have maintained my 4.0 Average. Which I am ecstatic about.

I have been experiencing migraines a lot lately so I went to see a doctor and was prescribed some heavy duty migraine medicane. A couple of days ago I came home to find my dogs had gotten into the medicine and there were 8 pills missing. All of the pills had been chewed on, and powder from those pills was all over the floor. I called the vet, who insisted they both be brought in ASAP. I struggled to find a ride (since Kevin had the car) and what seemed like an eternity later Kevin was able to take a few minutes to come get me so that I could have the car. I spent several hours at our vets before finding out that I needed to take the dogs to the Emergency Animal Clinic in order to be monitored and on IV medication. So needless to say I was not very happy, because we had to pay the vet for the emergency appointment and then they were sending me to another Emergancy where I would yet again have to pay. Scrappy was stayed the night and was able to come home the following eveing. The vet is reasonably sure Scrappy hadn't gotten into the medicine at all. Which meant Malaika had consumed all 8 500mg tablets. She had to stay an additional day which. All in all we had an extremely expensive week of Dog care. They are okay and home with us now which we are thankful for. They still have to go get another blood test in a week to make sure there were no latent signs that were missed previously.

Now, we have to figure out how we are going to pay for this. We had to use credit (which we hated doing, but we were able to finance with a low interest rate) We are trying to decide what the best way to handle it is and I am probably going to have to look for a second job. That makes me concerned because on top of my already existing job (which is now 35 hours a week) and on top of grade school I am wondering how I am going to handle anotehr job. Not to mention finding transpertation to another job.

So as I sayed before. Life has been crazy. Hope everything is well with all of you. MUCH LOVE!

As of Late

This month has provided us with many experiences. We started this month taking a week vacation in Texas to see friends and family. It was a blast, although we were tired when we finally got home. We are not use to staying up until 5am everynight. I haven't stayed up that late in forever. Whether it was playing cards, Wii Fit, Dominos, Tennis or Rock Band (for Wii) we kept busy seeing friends and socializing. Something else we got the pleasure of doing was celebrating our 3 year anniversary. I love my husband so much and can't believe we have been married for over 3 years now :-) I am richly blessed. After our vacation we came back to Colorado where I started my work at the school again. My husband is also going through changes at work with old employees getting permotions and new employees taking their places. Things are moving like crazy but we are loving life!

feelin lonely

We have been saying a lot lately that things in Colorado are good, they only probably we seem to have is that we don't have friends. The truth of the matter is, we do have friends. There are people we both would consider friends that we work with or go to Church with. What we mean when we say we don't have friends is that we don't have people we really hangout with outside of church and work. There are a lot of older and younger people that I would say we are friends with at church. We really don't have friends our own age, friends that we can hangout with and play games with. While in Lubbock, we had lots of friends but we had two couples that we hungout with all the time. We would hangout at each others houses, cook dinner for each other and play games at least once a week if not more often then that. We would sit and play spades and hearts and other games like that for hours on end. We would be playing games and having conversation and realize it was almost 4 in the morning when we had work or church the next day. These are friends we shared, and I believe still share a deep intimate connection with and we couldn't wait for the next time we got to hangout. These friends where friends that were experiencing the same stage of life that we were. They got married within a month or even a week of the time we did. The people we work with, and the friends we have are at different stages than us. This is not a bad thing, it just makes it more difficult to hangout or to share that connection that we so desperatly want and need. Our friends from Lubbock can never be replaced and they will always hold a special place in our hearts. For that we are extremely thankful. For now, we continue to search to search for another couple of people who we could hangout with. Who like to just chill at home and play games, a group of friends that we don't have to do anything with but that we are just content being with and who are content just being with us.

I felt the need to clarify as I was concerned that our comments about not having friends up here might have offended some of the people we do consider friends, just any a different way.

Lots of love, and until next time may the Grace of God surround you.

First Camping Trip

We went on our first camping trip this last weekend and it was wonderful. We were up in Pike National Forest. We stayed at South Meadows Campground near Woodland Park Colorado. This campground was a decent size, having approximently 60 different lots. It was well kept and the bathrooms were as clean as possible considering they were nothing more than OutHouse type buildings. We were able to have several campfires. We enjoyed eating Breakfest burritos and Hambergers made over the campfire, which I might add I can think of no better way to cook or no better tasting way to eat breakfest burritos. We went on a walk with the dogs around the camp ground and around the near by Manitu Lake. We were definetly out of cellphone range, but we were only 5 miles outside of town which was good because when I realized I had forgotten stuff for S'Mores we were able to go into town to the grocery store and by the stuff that was needed. It got cold at night, even for the dogs so we all had to cuddle together in order to stay warm. We know that we will definetly be going camping again and we can't wait. To be able to be up there away from cell phone, tv, and computers. Not having to worry about what todo next or what has to be done. To truly be able to relax amidst the trees and even having to deal with the random rainstorm that makes you flee to your tent salvaging as much of the food and firewood as you can on the way was excellent. I am attaching some pictures.